A pledge pin?! On your uniform?!

I have some other shit to do tonight, and didn't intend on writing at all. But if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times...

When you promise the loyal listeners that every night that you're going to Get the Led Out, you better GET THE FUCKING LED OUT!

No solo shit, no offshoots, no Swan Song labelmates (I'm watching you, Michael Des Barres). Especially when you play a gawddamn bumper explicitly stating that "You're Getting the Led Out on The Loop."

"Peppering the Led with some solo Robert Plant... I like to do that occasionally. That's Pledge Pin from Plant's first solo album, following the demise of Led Zeppelin."

Maybe you like to do that occasionally, Seaver... but please name someone else who does. And that's not even a good Plant song. It's so far from rocking that it can't even be considered rock and/or roll. Nice soulless cheesy sax solo too, you dick. Kenny G must have worked pretty cheap back then. Way to throw that garbage on us when we're trying to rock.

C'mon Seaver, what's next? The Firm? The Honeydrippers? Sure, I have those LPs... but I never mix them in with my Zeppelin. Need I bring Bonham (the band) to your attention again? How about Cinderella as produced by John Paul Jones? OK, fine... I have those records too. But still... DAMN YOU! Get the Led Out!!

It started off well enough with For Your Life and Dazed and Confused, but you had to pull this shit... AGAIN. And to top it off, you kick off the set of music after your pitiful attempt to Get the Led Out with Godsmack? Godsmack?! What kind of fucking shit is that? Leave that crap for that steaming pile down the dial... The Zone. That's where your buddy Zander starts next week. You ought to give him a call. When Byrd makes his triumphant return to the evenings, where are you left in the grand schme of the Loop airstaff? Honestly... I hope they move the staff around and lose Zakk Tyler, that joke they hired from Whereverthehell USA. Someplace, a zoo is missing its zookeeper.


On a non-angry note (and they're becoming harder and harder for me to come by), The White Stripes kicked my ass last night. And I take back what I said about Meg White. She's exactly what that band needs. I bet it's been awhile since The Auditorium has been rocked so hard.

Hey Hey What Can Byrd Do

The only thing that seems almost certain in the rumors surrounding The Loop and Chicago radio in general, is that Byrd is going to lose his morning show... possibly in September. I started this journal to draw attention to Byrd's natural ability to Get the Led Out, but what if he doesn't get his evening gig back? Byrd could get a job in any market he wanted to, but Chicago has gotten a taste of Byrd and I for one don't want to let him go. What other Chicago rock stations could Byrd go to? The pickins are slim, and Byrd's not going to settle for a station that doesn't rock hard. I'd hire Byrd if I needed a mobile DJ, but let's hope it doesn't come to that. He'd rock that party so hard that he'd take home all the hot babes.

So tell me... if for some ungawdly reason The Loop lets Byrd go, where could he go and what could he do next?

Last week was a bad one for me to Get the Led Out, but on Wednesday I'll be able to check back in to Seaver's wacky antics. Tomorrow I'm going to see The White Stripes at the Auditorium Theatre. This show is going to fucking rock. The only other time I was at the Auditorium was for Wilco a few years back, and the sound was fucking amazing. Last time I saw The White Stripes was at the Aragon Ballroom, where the acoustics are utter shit. To top it off I felt like a damn old man, standing there among a bunch of kids rocking their asses off. At the time I lived nearby, so we walked there and back... and dammit my back was hurting that night. "Hey, kid! Get offa my lawn!"

I'm especially excited that I'm going to the show tomorrow night, because The Greenhornes are opening. Almost 10 years ago I saw them open for the destined-for-greatness Brainiac (RIP Timmy Tayler) at a shitty awesome rock club back in college. Their sound haunted me for years before I picked up Gun for You. I guess they've since lost the keyboards, but a couple of those dudes backed up Loretta Lynn on her simply amazing Van Lear Rose record produced by Jack White. Brendan Benson (who also rules) is opening on Wednesday, and he produced the latest Greenhornes EP... further complicating the Detroit/Cincinnati/Dayton incestual scene. Take that Bob Seger!

Perhaps this is a weird statement, but the only thing I'm having trouble understanding is why The White Stripes still exists. Jack White has proven himself over and over again as an artistic force... why does he still need Meg? I was driving my girlfriend to a headache as I demonstrated Meg's comepetent drumming on my steering wheel... keeping the beat along to Seven Nation Army. She made the mistake of laughing at first. That just encouraged me. She made me stop before I got out of control, though. I'll turn that girl into a rocker, yet. This show is going to fucking ROCK.

You like-a da juice?

It's been a lazy afternoon... after I finally got used to the jets screaming overhead. Every year I forget about the damn Air & Water Show until suddenly one weekend I feel under attack. Maybe if I watched and listened to "news" programs instead of rocking and trying to be entertained, I'd know what's going on in this city...

It's supposed to be real nice out tomorrow, with lows maybe reaching the 40s. That's awesome. I walked over to the local gyros storefront this afternoon, and was sweating like mad by the time I walked in. How do those guys working the grill handle it?

So I just popped in one of my Led Zeppelin BBC Sessions discs, and I'm rocking to The Girl I Love She Got Long Black Wavy Hair... which sounds like Moby Dick with lyrics and no drum solo. Maybe that's why they never recorded it in the studio, but damn it's kicking my ass. There was a (too long) moment in time when all the Zeppelin I had was this collection... I'd lost my box sets in the "settlement" with my ex. I actually gave them to her... this way I had an excuse to finally buy the Complete Studio Recordings box. Due to money factors and moving and shit, I didn't get around to buying it until months and months later. When I finally got it through Amazon, disc 2 of Physical Grafitti was missing! C'mon... no Boogie With Stu?! Unacceptable. Thankfully they let me return it, so now I'm all set.

I admire what Page was trying to do with the original Box Set... but I for one never need to hear Living Loving Maid right after Heartbreaker on classic rock radio again. It's just too predictable. With that release, Page was asking us to listen to the songs in a different context. It worked to a degree, but LPs were tracked in a certain order for a reason... especially back in the AOR era. Zeppelin never released two songs on the same side of a 45 (they barely released 45s at all), so I never understood why those songs ALWAYS had to go together on the radio.

This gets me thinking back to my first conscious memory or Zeppelin. I didn't get into them until high school, but I have a hazy memory from way back. It possibly could be a manufactured memory, but it's so vivid that I can't shake the feeling...

My folks had some decent records in their collection, but they weren't music freaks by any means. It's likely that I heard some Zeppelin in real time on the radio before Bonham kicked his final bass drum, but it would have had to have been on an AM pop station. It's weird to think that I can remember back to AM music radio days, but I didn't make the switch over until probably sometime around 1980-1982. I became obsessed with the radio, having my cousin call into a station to vote for my favorite song for the 9pm countdown... because it was long-distance from my house. If I could have gotten away with it, I would have stacked the votes... but it was up to him, and to this day I still don't know if he actually put in my ballots. Anyway, I was a top-40 geek and could tell you any song within a couple notes. I vaguely remember Name that Tune, but I'm sure I could have won some prizes. And at the time, Casey Kasem was my hero.

But here's where the Zeppelin memory comes in. My family was driving down a country road near our house, in the summer with the sunroof open. It was one of those perfect nights... nice outside, and my station on the radio. No talking, just cruising around going to get ice cream or something. To this day, whenever I hear All My Love... it's this moment in time I can still remember, feel and smell. This was definitely post-1980, and thus post-Zeppelin. But for some reason JPJ's cheesy synth (bless that man) still takes me back to that memory.

It's especially funny because the aforementioned car was apparently my dad's idea of a joke... a Renault Le Car. Supposedly it was the French car company's response to the success of Volkswagen. It was only made for the US market, and written in big letters on the side was "Le Car". My mom was so pissed at my dad when he brought that thing home. It was funny looking to me then. But it was silver and it had a great radio. Other people nearby actaully had Le Cars too, and we'd wave at each other when we passed... as if we were some proud community. Unfortunately the thing was a piece of shit and was having trouble all the time. At one point we could only have one accessory on at a time. If it was raining and we were using the wipers, we couldn't turn on the radio. It was a gamble to drive it in the rain with the lights on too. Luckily we can laugh at it now. It's still known as the "Le Shit" among my family... and the official Renault site doesn't even acknowledge its existence.

OK, I just skipped back to Traveling Riverside Blues. Remember when that song was only available on the radio? I used to call up the local jock (by that time we'd moved so it was a free call) every time he played it to ask him where he got it... and The Slog Zeppelin mix-single too. He told me they showed up at the station in plain brown bags. That's just awesome. That was the fucking Zeppelin mystique.

By the way, I gotta give The Loop credit for turning me onto another version of All My Love. It wasn't too long after I'd moved to Chicago when I heard it on Get the Led Out (pre-Byrd). In these times, though... I was able to find the song on LimeWire after checking back for a few weeks. It was mislabeled as a live studio version, but there are obvious overdubs so I redubbed it the "Unfinished Version". It's a little more raw, and without the synth breakdown. I love both versions, and am still a staunch defender of All My Love... despite that other Zeppelin fans think it's soft. Even without the Le Shit memories, it's an awesome song. Check it out.

The subliminal mindfuck America.

So I haven't been able to Get the Led Out in a week, and likely won't be able to again until at least Friday. But anyway...

I went with a buddy to the Green Day concert last Wednesday (my first time at the Allstate/Rosemont)... the first arena show I'd been to since Peter Gabriel at the United Center for his UP tour. Needless to say, there was a huge difference between the crowds and the vibes at those particular shows. I still believe American Idiot is a fantastic, sincere, angry record... but there's something off-putting about Billie Joe totally playing to the crowd of pre-pubescent poseurs... the politics spewed among the corporate sponsorships. I'm not saying they're Rage Against the Machine (what a load of shit that band was) or anything... but something wasn't quite right. From whatever little idealism I have left... I'm holding onto the cliche that hopefully a few kids came out of there that night, heard the lyrics, and understood the cause.

Meanwhile, let me just express this real quick...
FUCK my apartment,
FUCK my jobs,
FUCK my cellular company,
FUCK my car, and...
FUCK my cashflow.

Anyway, I digress. Back to poseurs... I had a some time tonite to scan through the WLUP website. Seaver's got a major contradiction going on...

From Seaver's bio page, he states "My home is a squalid basement apartment in West Lakeview." Oh how romantic... you're a starving artist. But then there's a photo gallery of Seaver's Superbowl Party. One of the pictures offers a great view of Millennium Park with the caption "View from Seaver's place." That sure ain't West Lakeview, Seaver. (As if West Lakeview is so cheap and shitty, anyway!)

On the other hand, check out Byrd's bio. Quote... "The Byrd is not married and resides in downtown Chicago." You see, Byrd makes no bones about living downtown. Byrd needs to be unattached and in a central location for whenever potential rocking is about to occur. If Byrd needs to head north, go south, travel west, or just stay downtown when rocking calls... he's ready to go. Living downtown is worth Byrd's expense. Byrd is not a poseur. Byrd is Byrd... and Byrd only. Byrd is here to rock, and Byrd will rock.

By the way... I can't believe I didn't catch this from an earlier post. Zander is still credited on the Get the Led Out feature on The Loop's website. Have they have no faith in Seaver and his mad jock skills?

Bizcocho Borracho

Hey Seaver... you're on your way to redeeming yourself since the Friday debacle. You might have been a little early tonight (though I was looking at my car clock and not my geek nuclear time watch)... but that was some good rocking tonight, dude.

You know, I think this little experiment is therapeutic. You used to make me so mad, but since I've created a forum to get it all out there... you're kinda growing on me. I hope The Loop keeps you around when Byrd returns to his rightful throne in the evening slot. Morning drive is a big deal and many a jock's goal, but Byrd was put on this earth to rock... not to worry about his timeslot. And he will bring the rock! How about Byrd from 4-8:30p... with that extra half hour to help people Get the Led Out? Give Seaver middays or evenings.

I just had another thought. Who's on the overnights at The Loop? But wait... who cares?!

What's Allan Stagg up to lately? There's a guy who should be working!

OK... enough of this. Let's Get the Led Out.

"Alright, let's go to Angelo in Bensenville. Alright, how are we gonna do this tonite?"
"Uh, Black Mountain Side. [...unintelligible banter...] There's no words and I think it goes right into Communication Breakdown."
"Actually Your Time is Gonna come goes into Black Mountain Side, and uh... and you know what I can do that. I'll just play both those songs. They'll track right together... it'll sound great."
"You can do that?"
"Sure I can do it. And you know what, since it's all about extras on Twofer Tuesday you'll get a bonus Zep tune. So uh, let's Get the Led Out. 97-9 The Loop... Chicago's rock station."

A bonus Zep tune?! That's awesome! I look over to my long-suffering girlfriend, but unlike any other Tuesday when we're Getting the Led Out... I didn't again have to explain my theory on why there should be 4 Zep tunes on Twofer Tuesday. Ever the sly one, she tells me if the "Zep Set" is 3 songs, then there should be 6 total on Twofer Tuesday. That's a great idea if I've ever heard one!

I'm not sure if Angelo from Bensenville ("That old car is worth money!") wanted to hear Communication Breakdown or not, and if he did I'm glad Seaver called the audible and played what he wanted. Nothing against CB, but as I've matured I can appreciate a sensitive acoustic tune about a cheatin' woman. Come to think of it, that's something I didn't realize so much when I was younger. To write all those lyrics, Robert Plant must have known lots of cheatin' women... which is funny 'cause there's no doubt he was cheatin' right back. The churchy organ intro used to turn me off too, but I never gave it a proper chance.

"This is all I gotta say to you, woman. You're Time is Gonna Come!"

Can't say I'm the biggest fan of Black Mountain Side, but it's a perfectly acceptable tune. It is from the Zeppelin catalog after all, but as far as I'm concerned they ALL gotta be in the room for me to give it a fair chance. I was ranting to the girlfriend about how I wasn't interested if Plant wasn't involved. Zeppelin is a BAND... made up of four musicians, not three. We were listening hard for anything besides the obvious acoustic guitar, bass, and percussion... but came up with nothing. Maybe they made Robert sit in the corner with a tambourine. Nope... no tamborine. She asked me if Plant played guitar after I said I thought I heard a second acoustic. She's a musician, so I thought I'd get all impressive and throw out a musical term. It took me some time to rack my brain to find the word harmonics ("Uh, I think I hear some, uh... you know when they tap the guitar and those high, uh, weird... notes come out... uh... uh... harmonics!")... but she just kinda smirked at me because I was unsuccessfully trying to sound smart. Anyway, show me how Plant was involved in Black Mountain Side, and I'll re-evaulate it.

It is important to note that Angelo from Bensenville mentioned Communication Breakdown. After Black Mountain Side came to an end, there was a split second before just part of a cut-off note from Communication Breakdown... straight from Zeppelin I. I'm not putting the blame on Seaver for this one... it could have been his fault or faulty equipment. Click here for an aircheck.

No worries, though... it's time for Trampled Underfoot. This was my favorite Zeppelin song for about a week when I was 15, until I realized it's just not very good. It's another song about a woman, which is cool... but the car analogy is pretty bad, even for guys singing about cheatin' women all the time. My memory of this song is sitting my parents' car in a hotel parking lot, somewhere in the south. We were on a family vacation gawd knows where, and it must have been in the afternoon because it was fucking hot outside. Some classic rock station was airing the Knebworth concert, and kept teasing the Page/Plant reunion (no JPJ... a sign of things to come?)... but hadn't gotten to it by the time we got back to the room. So I stayed out in the car listening to the dudes tear the proverbial roof off the motherfucker. You know... I'm not sure if they even played Trampled Underfoot that day. That station definitely played it though... probably in preparation for the rocking we were about to receive. It was sweet. I love it how hotel rooms have limited cable with bad channels, and you're lucky to get a shitty alarm clock that tunes in nothing. You have to sit out in the car if you wanna rock. I never think to bring along my own radio. But then when the whole family stays in one room, it's pretty easy for your entertainment choices to get overruled. (I do hope that by that time they were getting the rollaway for me... so my sister and I weren't sharing a bed anymore!)

So the bonus song is Custard Pie, and it couldn't have gotten any better. I had dropped off the girl, rolled down the windows... and was cranking some fucking Zep. We'd had tapas for dinner, and ate some kickass dessert similar to tiramisu. That's right... custard. I love custard... especially chocolately custard. Today was sticky hot... but once my belly was full, the sun came down, and the Zeppelin came on... it all felt good. I pull up to a six corner, and in the left turn lane is a cool dude on a motorcyle with his kid. We nodded in acknowledgement of the good rock coming from my car. There was a Pantera bumper sticker on the back side of his bike... one closer to the front one said "Vaginas are way cool". That's one badass dad right there.

As I pull in front of my building, Get the Led Out comes to an end. Seaver backsells the songs, and shouts out to Bensenville once again. Jack wants to hear some Rush, baby... Working Man. That first record... before Peart... back when they were nothing more than a Canadian Zeppelin/Sabbath ripoff band... and they never sounded better. I never got those dudes who wrote "2112" on their grocery bag book covers. Give me Rush I, or give me Geddy with Bob & Doug McKenzie... that's it.

Beer for One

Whoa, Seaver backtimed tonight! It's 8pm on the dot, and it's time to Get the Led Out. Nice... it's about time you nailed it. And HEY NOW... what's this? Seaver's starting the segment all by himself. No lame callers! Glad to hear you step up, man. Play what you want. Get the fucking Led Out.

"Yeah, Seaver here. Been awhile since we visited the Presence album. This is the one where Robert Plant recorded the vocals from a wheelchair after a car crash. Let's Get the Led Out! Cut 7. Tea for One. 97-9. The Loop!"

To the point, with some good info to consider while we're rocking. You're on your way, Seaver.

Tonight I was afraid I wasn't going to make it home in time to Get the Led Out. Just walked in a few minutes ago... it was a long day at work, and I'm sweating like Rush Limbaugh at his drug hearing. Today the bosses found a new way to fuck the workers... so it's pretty damn sweet to come home, kick back, and finally Get the Led Out properly. Simple pleasures... simple pleasures. Now that I think about it, it has been awhile since we visited the Presence album. The WLUP features page does promise Zeppelin deep cuts, after all. Thanks, Seaver... nice start.

Maybe I shouldn't complain too much about work. They do look away when I'm late every morning, though it's rarely more than 30 minutes past start time. Cuts are happening all over the company, so it's probably safe to say they prefer not to pay me for the time I'm not there. Oh woe is me... such is the the life of a timeclock puncher.

"Mornin' Sam."
"Oh, uh... good morning, Ralph."

Ahhh... Hot Dog! Nice one, Seaver. Another relatively unpopular Zeppelin song I wholeheartedly defend. Interesting choice... I commend you.

Mondays are damn tough for me. I suppose they are for everyone, as the cliche goes. It's not like I'm a wildman living in the moment, but I tend to make decisions that aren't best for me in the short run (if not the long run). Last night Nick Digilio was just kicking ass his first couple hours, in a great sort of stream-of-consciousness format. Peter Jennings (RIP) bought the farm right before Nick's airtime, so he interspersed some memories (not failing to mention the classic OJ prank from 10 ?! years ago) with some random just wacky shit. From there he went off the wall, teasing his upcoming movie segment that didn't start until well into the last hour of his show. The second hour was insane... I can't even remember what was going on (voicemail clips and other audio segments), but I was cracking up never tuned out. He's the movie guy at WGN, but he can be so much more than that if he's on a roll.

But anyway, since I stayed up so late listening to Nick... I completely missed Stern and was late for work this morning. Again, oh woe is me.

OK... Fool in the Rain. Not bad... I like it alright. Not my favorite, but props to JPJ rocking the keyboards. It's going to be real tough to forgive Seaver for what he did on Friday, but I'm willing to try.

Porn and Cocaine

OK, so I'm able to Get the Led Out tonight after all. I just flipped on The Loop in time to be serenaded by Clapton with the live version of Cocaine. I had decided to take the night off from bashing Seaver and praising Byrd, but this song brings back some memories...

It must have been back in '91 or '92 sometime, when I was driving around like any other bored Midwestern suburban kid. Nowhere to go, no friends in the car... just aimlessly cruising. It's not like I was trying to pick up chicks... my luck in that area didn't come until later. Even if the babes had been interested, they sure as hell weren't turned on by the maroony-brownish 1980 Dodge Aspen (aka The Boat) handed down to me by my folks. Looks aside, it was a damn smooth ride... it kinda just floated and bounced down the road. I got a couple good years out of that car until I totalled it. It was silly, really... I rear ended some jackoff who stopped in front of me in a subdivision. And it was past my curfew, so I was already in trouble. We were both watching some even bigger jackoffs on each side of the road, throwing toilet paper at cars. Too bad I had my eyes on them instead of that ridiculous yellow Geo Tracker in front of me. What a big group of dicks. That memory actually makes me kinda sad. The Dodge was almost a beater, and if I was gonna wreck it I shoulda slammed that Jaguar that cut me in the Taco Bell parking lot months earlier. Rich motherfucker...

Anyway, so I'm driving around doing nothing when I pass the Dairy Mart (though it might have been called something else then) and there's a bunch of people with picket signs protesting the "smut" being sold inside. As a young loser who had yet to see a real boob, and who had limited access to porn (these were the pre-internet days afterall)... the mere idea of this was ridiculous to me. I'm too much of a pussy to yell or to start anything with anyone (still to this day... and even with the Moral Majority types), so I start to think of ways to piss them off. I'm looking around and racking my brain... then I flip the station to the city's classic rock station to hear Clapton singing the virtues of cocaine. "Good enough," I thought... having never touched an illegal drug in my life. I make the block, roll down my windows, blare the radio, and glare at them as I drive by real slow. Then I spent an extra second at the stop sign, and attempted to peel out. Too bad 0-40 in this car took about a mile. I wonder if they even noticed? Probably not. A couple years later (after I'd turned 18), I stopped in that same Dairy Mart to buy that year's Christmas Edition of Playboy. I finally made my stand with my wallet, and it was great to know they still had all those filthier magazines wrapped in paper behind the counter.

To this day, my dad still teases me whenever we hear Cocaine.

OK... so the next song before Get the Led Out was Who Made Who. That was the first AC/DC record I taped off a buddy. I still don't get that one. Yeah it was a soundtrack to a movie I never saw, but as a package of hits it totally blew.

So now I'm ready to rock. Apparently Seaver still can't backtime, because he starts to Get the Led Out 3 minutes early. C'mon, dude! Then it's the intro, then it's a call... same old shit. The guy on the phone is nearly incoherent, but his wife is mad at him for a reason that may be related to him Getting the Led Out. He dedicates Babe I'm Going to Leave You to her. Aw yeah! Seaver sees his chance to be a personality again. "That marriage is over... See you later, sweetheart... Get a lawyer!" Brilliant stuff. Ha ha.

A good set so far though... I have no objections to Babe kicking off the rock. Then it's The Ocean. Fuck yeah... that's the shit! But here is where I must reveal the rocky start to my relationship with Led Zeppelin. The first time (for real) I heard that riff was in the sample-heavy She's Crafty by Beastie Boys. This was back in '86, when I couldn't yet admit to anyone that I liked rap. Run-DMC blew the doors off my little world (partly because they enlisted Aerosmith for Walk This Way)... but in my white-bred school it just wasn't the right time to love hip-hop. An acquaintance sympathized with me, and sold me Licensed to Ill for $4... and to legitimize my purchase, he also sold me Anthrax's State of Euphoria for the same price. Both tapes kicked my ass, but I could only fess up to liking one. It all seems so silly now. And in a matter of a year or so, I admitted my love for all music (well... country came years later) and I acquired a Zeppelin mix tape featuring The Ocean. I'm rocking now!

But wait... what is this? Is this what I think it is?! Geezus, Seaver man... WHAT IN THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?! After rocking my ass off to The Ocean, he hit a bumper and went to the mechanical beats of Little by Little. Yeah, no shit. That's Robert Plant... solo. You promised me and everyone else listening that you'd GET THE LED OUT. Dude, this is a cardinal sin. I fucking hate it during block party weekends (with or without deep tracks) when I'm rocking out on some Who and you sandwich in a shitty Pete Townshend solo track. And I never want to hear Cocaine again played among two mind blowing Cream songs. But to do this while we're trying to Get the Led Out? Blasphemy! You suck. How dare you! Do your fucking job, Seaver. It's spelled out in your gawddamn job description that's posted right on the WLUP website...

*****
Get the Led Out
Every weeknight at 8, The LOOP salutes one of the greatest rock bands on the planet, Led Zeppelin. Zander rolls out a 3-song "Zep Set" every weeknight, featuring your all-time Zeppelin favorites, including many cuts you never get to hear on the radio.
*****

And I'm not even bashing Plant here. He's done better songs, and he's done worse. He's done some pretty interesting stuff... especially right now. But he has no place in a 3-song set of Zeppelin. What's next? Jimmy Page's occult-inspired soundtracks? JPJ's avant-garde record with Diamanda Galas? A deep cut from Bonham? You're a jerk, Seaver.... you don't give a shit about Zeppelin. You just ruined my night.

Hats off to Byrd

If Family Ties has a weakness, it is its abundance of clip shows. Today they're catching up Ellen on the misadventures of Alex's youth. So I take this opportunity not to do something constructive in my own life, but to reiterate my mission to make Byrd the man at The Loop. It's unlikely I'll be able to Get the Led Out tonight, so here's an excerpt from Byrd's bio...

*****
Byrd Quickie-Facts

-Byrd likes long hair and cowboy boots. So therefore... that's what he wears.
-Byrd saved the infamous and iconic "Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas" sign from being torn down years ago. Really.
-Byrd has been voted "Best Morning Show in America" by radio program directors. Must be some sort of mistake.
-Byrd has received the key to the City of Las Vegas and been inducted into the Nevada Broadcasting Hall of Fame. Again, must be some sort of mistake.
-Byrd has been voted one of "America’s Sexiest D.J.'s" by Playgirl magazine. This one is definitely a mistake.
-Byrd has appeared on MTV, CNN, Entertainment Tonight, ESPN, Studs, E! TV, Hard Copy, ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, The Today Show, and many others. Mostly as a wanted fugitive, but still...
-Byrd has many people ask about the origins of his nom de plume-age. It is not an answer for a family website.
-Byrd likes Bruce, Tanya and Anna. This is fortunate.
-Byrd also likes girls, thongs and twister, preferably in that order.
-Byrd cannot speak another language, but he can imitate 28 other dialects (depending on how many drinks he's had).
-Byrd knows far too much about rock music for his own good.
*****

The last entry confirms Byrd's destiny to rock every night. The rest is gravy... proving the coolness and mystique of the man known at Byrd.

Moby Quarter

Up until it was time to Get the Led Out tonight, I'd taken the day off of hardcore radio listening. Last night I stayed up way too late and drank way too much (by myself might I add), while listening to Nick Digilio on WGN. Before I finally passed out, I tuned my radio over to WCKG. WCKG at one time could have been considered a decent station, but after a series of multiple management fuck-ups... the only thing left to listen to is Howard in the morning. And who knows how much longer he'll be on the Chicago airwaves?

Anyway... I probably heard some Stern in my sleep, but the first thing I actually remember hearing was Pete McBoring, a bland frat-boy Brandmeier wannabe. When I'm working during the week I make it a mental game to see how long I can listen to 'CKG after Howard signs off. Most the the time I don't make it through McCrappy's lame intros.

So the only radio I listened to today was for just few minutes in the car, and for fuck's sake everyone was playing shit and/or commercials. WXRT to WLUP to B96 to Q101 (which is actually sounding pretty great, save for that thing they call a show in the morning) to scan. I'd usually tune over to WLUW up at Loyola, but the reception sucks in my neighborhood. And don't even suggest WBEZ. That's one of the worst public radio stations I've ever had the misfortune to hear. This American Life is some good shit, but that's the only outstanding show they air.

But I digress again. Seaver didn't give me anything new to complain about tonight. He played the Get the Led Out intro I've already bashed, took a quick call instead of doing his own thing, and then got right to the rock. I must admit that the caller who was getting drunk in his driveway in Northbrook is my kinda guy. I can remember dudes doing that back in my neighborhood when I was little. Through my rose-colored glasses, those were the guys in Dazed and Confused.

The caller dude (I forget his name, but he's definitely a dude) wanted to hear some No Quarter. Nice. My boy JPJ rocked out on that one. Plus, the song is long enough that it gave me time to get out of my car and in front of another radio.

I wasn't going to bring this up, but the next song (Moby Dick) forced me to do so. Remember that Page/Plant debacle from 1994? Yeah, fine... alright. It was pretty badass. But in theory it just pisses my shit off. The named the MTV show and record both No Quarter, which we all know is a JPJ song. And just where was JPJ at the "reunion"? Nowhere to be seen. Fuck you, Jimmy and Robert. While you're at it, cut your hair. You're old and you look like women. Go call David Coverdale or something.

So how about we go back in time and change the name of that shit to Moby Dick? Drag out Jason Bonham (touring now with the -- get this -- Lou Grammless Foreigner!) or some other doofus, and kick off your lame show with a drum solo. Fly a camera across the British countryside while some Bonham inspired jerk plays his song. I don't know... maybe the Zeppelin geeks would call it a tribute. But I know the truth that the whole thing was a scam. And I bought it hook, line and fucking sinker.

Seaver ended the segment with one of my faves, Thank You. A fitting ending to a pretty good edition of Get the Led Out. I criticize, only because I care so much.

post script

If anyone took my recent comments about Milt Rosenberg's show as an endorsement, I'm SO SORRY...

From wgnradio.com:
"Following a 6:05pm Cubs game (approximately 9:05pm) Extension 720 with Milt Rosenberg: After tonight’s game, Extension 720 has a special treat for listeners. Our old friend Bill Mellberg* (mimic extraordinaire) will be in-studio, along with his accompanist Kent Wehman, to perform some of his great impressions of presidents, politicos and other emminentos."

Emminentos?! I don't have a fucking PhD.

Recently, from Billboard:
"Few stations in America have the longevity of WGN. Yet like other, far younger old-line AMs, WGN faces a demographic challenge: More than half of its audience is over 65..."

That's right... more than half of WGN's audience is over 65. Not 65 and over... but OVER 65. Milt is apparently playing to this crowd with his "old friend" Bill Mellberg as a guest... with a montage of Walter Cronkite, Paul Harvey, David Brinkley, Ted Knight, Howard Cosell, William F. Buckley, Julia Child, Fred Rogers, Marlon Perkins, John Wayne, Edward G. Robinson, etc etc etc, as I type this. WTF?! Throw in some lame song parodies with 30-40 year old political themes, and you got yourself a show!

Fred Travalena is hipper than this guy. Where's Rich Little?!

(A plea to WGN management: Your audience is literally DYING. For gawd's sake, give Nick Digilio a daily shift!)

OK... to turn this post back to Getting the Led Out, has any sales genius at The Loop tried to sell an advertiser on this nightly segment? If I had a business, I'd sponsor it... as long as Byrd were the host.

*(Google "Bill Mellberg"... the top hit directs you to Milt's guests page from 2002. This guy is in high fucking demand!)

Ozone Alert Baby

Gawd, it's fucking hot. I'm sitting here with a fan on my face, three beers in. In all my drinking days, I've never understood the angry drunk. "Maybe just maybe..." I thought, "maybe I'll get some insight into that person tonight." I'm only slightly buzzed right now, and maybe it's the happy hops talking... but so far so good on tonight's edition of Get the Led Out.

I must admit I was peeved when damn Seaver started the segment with a caller again. (In fact, I don't think he's ever started it without a caller.) It began really lame of course, with a "Hey, who's this?" (what a genius), with simply "Jim" as a response. Great... this is gonna suck, I tought. But the thing is... it turned out I really like this Jim character. Seaver asked him if he was working. Nope, just hanging and listening. Jim isn't much for small talk. He's been waiting to Get the Led Out all day, and he's not going to put it off any longer. Jim gets right to the point. Jim wants to ROCK.

Seaver responds to Jim's serious demeanor and tries to be an idiot radio personality. "Sounds like you're making lamp shades out of human flesh." Fucking hilarious, you jerk. No response from Jim... he was having none of that. Jim knows the song he wants to hear. Wearing and Tearing. From Coda. As much as Jim wants to rock RIGHT NOW, he threw out the LP title just in case anyone listening needed some education in rocking. (Or more likely, he probably suspects Seaver has no idea what Zeppelin song is on what Zeppelin record.) I'm a defender of Coda, and Wearing and Tearing is a little-heard gem... a deep cut, if you will. Rock on, Jim!

The tune comes to an end, and... hey now. What is this? A bumper stating that we're Getting the Led Out with The Loop? Sweet. I wish I would have been ready for what came next, because my ass was not prepared for the kicking it received at the opening riff of Good Times Bad Times. I'm too young to have experienced Zeppelin the first time around, but I like to try to imagine myself dropping the needle on LZ I back in '68....

[daydream] With all that hippie horseshit in full swing, I'm just sick to my stomach from the peace and love (and trust funds). I'm over at my buddy's house, and his older brother invites me into his hazy room to turn me onto some "real rock". DAMN... that opening riff. OUCH. It's like I'm being repeatedly hit in the gut. I have to sit down. Fucking yeah... ROCK! JPJ breaks it down on his bass. It doesn't get any better than this, man. The song winds down and my new idol kicks me out because his slutty girlfriend is coming over. Oh, how I wanna be that guy. [/daydream]

So then there's another bumper, but I don't know if it referenced Zeppelin because I was in the can breaking the seal. I grabbed another brew on the way back to the computer, grooving to Four Sticks. A decent choice, but it lacked the raw power of the first two tracks. Not the best way to end it... but tonight I'm not complaining too much. After Carouselambra and a two more of the longer Zeppelin tracks last night, this edition of Get the Led Out went by real quick with those short songs. It left me wanting more. And that's not a bad thing.

After Seaver's effort to Get the Led Out (only a minute late tonight), he followed up with the Crüe's Wild Side, then straight to that awful horrible stupid lame Superman song*. You know, the one that sounds like Candlebox. Remember Candlebox? What a piece of shit that band was. They should be ashamed of themselves. Fuck you Candlebox, for this shit you inspired. And fuck you WLUP for playing it. Assholes.

OK... so now I understand the angry drunk.

*(I just googled it... it's Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down.)

What would we do, baby?

All the good entertainment available tonight (ignoring the Seaver torture I put myself through, of course) isn't helping my recent bout of insomnia.

Family Ties was waiting for me on tape when I got home today, and though the hour block on Me-TV (M-F @ 3pm on Channel 23) wasn't the strongest today, it was still some good shit. Steven Keaton = comedy gold. And nice get on Elyse there, buddy. H-O-T. Me-TV is a gawdsend for people without cable.

Then on the radio...

Extension 720's Milt Rosenberg (on WGN) veered away tonight from his more frequent than not right-wing rant fest, and talked about beer with some guys who were WAY into the "culture". I luuuv beer.

Then at 10pm (halfway through Old Milty), I switched over to WXRT for Sound Opinions... "The World's ONLY Rock and Roll Talk Show". Good times as usual. It's unbelievable that no radio executive has picked up on the Tribune (Greg Kot) vs. Sun-Times (Jim DeRogatis) vibe last seen on the old Siskel & Ebert. The show (7 years in this incarnation) should be national.

My dial turned once again at 11pm (halfway through Kot and DeRo), back to WGN for Nick Digilio, who's filling in this week for Steve & Johnnie (two people who seem very nice, but who never fail to put me to sleep). Digilio's another guy who should have a higher profile. He's on until 3am right now, and at this rate I'll still be up listening. Isn't that what radio stations want? Listeners? Listeners in my age range? Listeners in my age range listening for a long time?! Geezus... hire that guy for a full-time gig.

Now I'm looking at the reality that I have to report to my damn day job in a few hours. Oh well... I'll probably be late again. This gawddamn heat isn't helping much either. My fans are just blowing around hot air.

Seaver's Time Is Gonna Come

I started this entry right when The Loop began its Get the Led Out intro. Intros are cool, but I take issue with the ENTIRE thing being based around a Jack Black clip. Use part of it sure, mix it in with some other stuff absolutely... but at least get some variety in there. It's especially lame because the clip is from the movie School of Rock where Black was begging the (key word here) living members of Zeppelin to use The Immigrant Song in the film. The living members do not include John Bonham (RIP), so some genius over at The Loop dropped in Robert Plant yelling "John Henry Bonham!" as if it's part of the clip. Not only does it sound like shit, but who refers to Bonham by three names, especially when the other members of the band are referred to by what they've been referred to for ALL OF ZEPPELIN TIME?! Sure, bring up John Paul Jones having three names, but that's what he's always been called. He's fucking JPJ for gawd's sake.

But I digress. Like I just wrote, I started this post right at the top of the Get the Led Out segment. Note the time of the post. Yeah, three minutes late. Seaver's timing is shit. I understand it's Twofer Tuesday* and all that, but Seaver's supposed to be a professional jock. Didn't anyone at Jock School teach him how to backtime?

You may be wondering why I have it in for Seaver? Maybe it's because he's not Byrd. That probably has something to do with it, but it runs much deeper than that. The guy just doesn't understand the importance of Getting the Led Out. It's obvious he's not into it. He's lazy. Byrd understands the importance of rocking in general, and of Zeppelin specifically. He doesn't take it lightly. He turns on the rock so you can kick back, crank it up, crack open a cold one, and Get the Fucking Led Out. But since these bush league DJs have taken his place, I just get angry every night I tune in. So I'm taking action here...

We all understand that typical radio caller doesn't represent the bulk of the audience, right? For the most part, the radio caller just likes to hear him/herself talk. He/she has nothing to say, no insight to provide, and not a thing to add to move the show forward. (Sure there are great callers, but they're few and far between.) All that said, the average radio fan trusts the DJ. The DJ is there to help us rock, to talk to us about rocking, and to entertain us with the rock. We trust the DJ... that's why we're listening to him/her. So when Seaver starts the show with some loser on the phone who can't even articulate what song he/she wants to hear, we're all in trouble. Zander (great name there, Buffy), the previous (pre-Seaver/post-Byrd) keeper of Get the Led Out, pissed me off every night by doing this. I was optimistic at the arrival of Seaver in the evenings after the Zander debacle, but he continues this lousy tradition.

At least we got the courtesy of Seaver talking first tonight. Sometimes he starts the actual segment with a phone call seemingly out of nowhere. He didn't mention shit about Getting the Led Out, but he did intro the caller. But that caller... gawddammit. Buddy, we don't give a shit what you're doing. Grilling? Who the fuck cares. Rocking to The Loop? No shit... so am I. Do I want to hear about it? Are you so fucking interesting that we must wait to Get the Led Out while we hear about your pathetic life? No way. The guy finally gets around to making his request, and so eloquently begins "I think the name of the song is..." and then completely mangles Carouselambra. "I think..."? You think?! What kind of Zep fan are you? Why are you in my life? Get off the air! You're a dick, and Seaver sucks for being your enabler. At least get the name of the song right, you asshole.

After that, Seaver hit a WLUP bumper (with no mention of Get the Led Out) and went right into Trampled Underfoot. Then he played South Bound Saurez. Why two songs from In Through the Out Door? Only Seaver knows. Or doesn't. He was probably in the can.

I'm left here pissed and agitated, and it's not even because of the lackluster set of Zep tunes. I need a drink.

Bring back Byrd!

*(Another point of contention: Twofer Tuesday should mean FOUR Zep tunes... not the usual three.)

That's the Way

So I wake up (late) this morning to see this Robert Feder column in my Sun-Times.

In brief...
Johnny B (fuck yeah!) will be returning to The Loop mornings in September. That's Byrd's current timeslot.

So my mission is tweaked. Byrd *will* be kicked out of his morning slot soon. That seems to be fact. So now my single-minded goal is to get Byrd back on the The Loop's evening shift. I really don't care who they move around or fire over there... it's muthafucking Byrd we're talking about here.

By the way, fuck Mancow. Why is this guy still employed?

Communication Breakdown

After a brief DSL meltdown, intense changes in climate (damn 104F weather), and mostly just general laziness, I plan on finally starting this bloggy thing this week.

Meanwhile, it was a real treat to hear Byrd on the air broadcasting live before the Ozzfest. I could give a shit about Ozzy (Sabbath ruled... 30+ years ago), Maiden (never got it), or Velvet Revolver (c'mon Slash... you're this close to pulling a Navarro), but Byrd was down there rocking for every sucker who couldn't make it out to Shitley Park, IL. That's his job, and he takes his work seriously. It is Byrd's duty to rock, and to rock hard enough for those of us who can't.

But the BEST part was when some jackass yelled "Screw you, Byrd!"

while Byrd's mic was open. Byrd didn't miss a beat while giving his radio faithful the Ozzfest info they needed. If I were there, I would have chased that guy down. But Byrd doesn't need anyone to get his back. I can't help but wonder though... just how did Byrd react off the air, while still rocking on the air? Maybe he shot him a stone cold stare... maybe he flipped him off... maybe he tripped him with his cowboy boot. Whatever Byrd chose to do, I know that guy felt his wrath. Byrd can handle himself. Don't fuck with Byrd.

So after this rambling entry, I must restate my mission with this blog. My goal remains to make The Loop to realize that Byrd is more valuable in the evening shift than he is in the mornings. Maybe I'm being selfish, but I want Byrd back on at a time when the sun's going down. And perhaps I'm a pansy (or maybe it's just because I'm not Byrd), but I just can't rock in the morning (Stern is my go-to guy in the early hours). Even though Byrd can handle the late nights of rocking along with the morning show (he probably doesn't go to bed before his shift), it's just easier on a man's constitution to sleep in late after a night of heavy rocking.

Plus, just look at this Seaver character. He can't Get the Led Out.