The Eagle has landed... The Byrd is in flight

Today was a gawddamned interesting day in Chicago radio. There's something in the airwaves lately... something I've never felt in all the time I've lived up here. All this history of great local broadcasting has been lost on me as a non-native. Stories of talkers like Wally Phillips, Steve Dahl (I hear he was actually good at one time), and Jay Marvin... and jocks like Larry Lujack, Captain Whammo, and even motherfucking Bob Sirott... have only been second-hand for me. I came up here already hooked on Howard Stern, but wanted to try some of the local flavor. Fucking Mancow was near the end of his reign on Rock 103.5, and he fucking sucked there. This is the guy Stern was ragging on nationally? He wasn't worth anyone's time at all... fuck the 15 year old suburban pimply youths who dug him. And Dahl... the fucking whiner who manages to cram a whole hour of radio into a five-hour broadcast... constantly crying how Howard ripped him off? WTF?! OK you douche... maybe he followed you on some shitty station in Detroit, but he's fucking mastered the craft. How you keep getting work is beyond my comprehension, but your fucking petty fat bitch whining screams of jealousy. Fuck you.

Anyway... today the fucking jackoffs at Infinity issued Howie a suspension for tomorrow 11/8, possibly marking the dumbest move in radio history. You have a guy who signed with a rival company over a year ago, yet you kept him employed with you? A bad-ass motherfucker who speaks his mind, a fucking genius businessman with a grand plan... and you get mad when he bashes you? So you suspend him, but plan to play his gawddamn tapes while he's in the penalty box? Wednesday morning, man... it's going to be a fucking Infinity fist fest. I'm tuning in at 5am. And if the imbeciles behind Free FM think that this is a stunt to get people on their fucking bandwagon, they're stupid. They're battling the fucking king of self-promotion.

But I digress, of course. Today kinda marked the return of Johnny B! Apparently he was already on Saturday and Sunday mornings, but I sleep late... it's much easier on my constitution. The show this morning was really rough... commercials would start out of nowhere, and some of the conversation was pretty stilted. But it was great to hear the bastard again. Eat me, JB! The new crew is the wildcard, though... he brought them all to town from his L.A. gig. Not that I'm anti-California (well, OK... maybe a little), but it might take awhile to get used to a whole lot of new people. But then I'd never heard Brandmeier when he was on The Loop before... I listened him first on his midday gig on WCKG. There's nowhere to go from here but up, my man. And if that past is any indication, Johnny's going to be my live morning guy even after I get the Sirius.

So finally, to wrap this up... tonight I rushed my ass home to hear the re-debut Get the Led Out with none other than motherfucking Byrd himself! Yeah... Byrd! But speaking of rusty radio, apparently even Byrd has his days. It probably wasn't his fault, but he didn't Get the Led Out until 3 or 4 minutes after 8pm. The Loop was fucking rocking on Can't You Hear Me Knocking... one of my favorite Stones tunes... ending right at 7:59pm according to my geek computer. "What a perfect fucking segue... a great way for Byrd's triumphant return..." I thought to myself. "Yes!" So here comes Byrd with some info about the next Stones tour, but wait... what is this? This isn't Zeppelin. Tell me, Byrd... what are you playing? Nickelback?! What?! It's 8pm, and it's time to Get the Led Out! I don't want to hear any crap Nickelback. FUCK Nickelback. What are you trying to be, WLUP? Are you classic rock? Are you new rock? Are you classic rock, with some shitty new rock sprinkled in? Damn you!


ButBut in this travesty, I see an opportunity. Back at the good old Ohio/Ontario I-90/94 clusterfuck, I saw today that damn Joey Bag-O-Donuts dude about a third platered over by a kickass new JB billboard. So before I started drinking tonight... I ran out to my car, cranked up the Byrd, and drove over to get a photo. Pretty fucking sweet.

Byrd did a pretty decent job during Get the Led Out... all things considered. There must be an edict from the suits to take a damn request at the top of the segment, but Byrd makes the best of it.

BYRD: "Hoo! Hah! The Led Zeppelin Appreciation Society will now come to order. Bang bang... and I need a gavel... bang bang. 312-591-ROCK, 591-ROLL... Hi, The Loop."

KEN: "What up, Byrd?"

BYRD: "How you doing?"

KEN: "Awesome to hear you at night. This is Ken. How about some uh, Led Zeppelin? I'd like to hear Houses of the Holy."

BYRD: "Excellent! What do you do?"

KEN: "I, uh... I'm an assitant manager at an Auto Zone."

BIG VOICE BUMPER: "All requests, all night long. This is The Loop on demand, with Byrd. The Loop."

[Houses of the Holy starts]

BYRD: A man who knows his parts... and don't we all?

What? I don't get it. But Byrd will get his bearings soon enough. A question/tip for Byrd... who's doing your production? We all know the calls are taped, but that was a pretty hack job to hear Ken make his way from "Awesome to hear you..." to "...Houses of the Holy." YIKES.

Byrd contines to Get the Led Out with In the Evening and Black Dog. Nice choices. So why did you have to ruin it afterwards by taking a bad request from John from Milwaukee? Does anyone actually like Triumph's Lay it on the Line? WLUP still isn't streaming, so how can you even take a request from some Cheesehead in Milwaukee? (Said affectionately, of course... I love Wisconsin. And cheese. And beer. And brats!) I appreciate the info about the Wilsons Leather Zeppelin-styled jackets... but lay it on the fucking line and play something cooler than this shit. You're Byrd, for gawd's sake. Byrd is here to rock, and Byrd will fucking rock. Have faith in Byrd... and Byrd, have faith in Byrd. It's great to hear Byrd back on at nights, with JB on in the mornings!

Now if only we could get Seaver back in the full-time lineup somewhere...